Friday, July 22, 2005

I don't know what's wrong with me these days.My emotions are turbulent and my thoughts are all in chaos. I really hate it when this happens. The feeling of abandonment. The feeling of unappreciated. Let's face it; I'm not meant to be anyone's girl. I'm not worthy enough to be with someone I like..or even love. It's not as though I have a choice anyway..he is already happy with what he has, so why should I disrupt his happiness for my own selfish needs? If he is happy, then so be it. I'll just be the friend that will stay close by, no more. After all,who am I to blame for my own careless fling? Who else can I blame for losing my heart that easily, again and again, only to be squashed and tormented right in front of me on the spot? Sigh..I really do have a lousy taste for men, haven't I? Ah well...I'll just leave my heart as cold as ice next time...if I can that is. I really can't take the hurt and strain anymore. It affects me too much...makes me feel..unloved and unwanted.
A friend of mine (Beckie!) once said, "everyone got something special about themself, and that includes you. I've known you for quite some time already, and I can say that you are a very special person. You're comfortable to be with and very approachable. Your generosity also makes people happy to be your friend. I'm sure you'll be appreaciated one day!"
Well, Beckie, you have no idea how wrong you can be. Firstly, yeah, so what I'm approachable and all those crap? It just makes ppl take advantage of me even more anyway. And secondly, those are the traits for a good FRIEND only...which I really hope I am anyway. Like I said earlier...I'm doomed to spinsterhood anyway..

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