Thursday, July 14, 2005

Yet another day has passed...dragging me into futility as I watched myself falling deep in the swirling mess. My studies are dying, my body is so damn sick, and my mind is constantly tortured with turbulent thoughts. *sigh* Studied chemistry and maths today, or rather, tried to study. Don't think much had entered my rain,especially my maths. I gotta find some motivation soon or I'm dead meat. Hmmm...I wonder if he will help me with it...
Well, yesterday when someone told me that she actually read my blog, I was kind of surprised. I seriously did not expect anyone to actually read any of my draggy posts, except for als perhaps, but even she rarely read my blog anyway. Ah well, to expose myself here is so much better than to expose myself in reality. Especially when I am so unsure of how I would react to that.
People always think that I'm jovial and carefree..but am I really all that? I always ponder on this. Am I really that friendly, or am I just a two-faced bitch? Hmmm.....Part of me thinks that the latter is true, and hope that it is not true anyway. But the other part of me...well...it's still under conflict right now. No one can really tell if I'm really that mad, or whether I was joking back then. Then again, who could blame them? I've been hiding my feelings for so long since I can remember. Perhaps that is why I am not exactly a great girlfriend to begin with..*sigh*
Me and my problems..they never seem to end, do they? I guess everyone has their own batch of problems, but why must mine be so goddamn complicated? Damn....

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