Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Tuesday today. Had my MUET speaking test. Topic? Why pirated CDs are doing well. My point? Because they carry out the latest music clips, movies, computer games and softwares. How did it go? Good, I hope. Did not do much today. Was pretty tired.
I kept on thinking about my dad today. Not so sure why. Felt like crying each time I remembered him, but I won't show it in front of my sis and mum. Never. They must never know. I do not know why, but each time I stare at his face(picture on the wall), I feel something. I miss his hugs, his smile, his laughter, and even his anger. I wish he was here by me now...
I want to talk to KC about it, but I'm not sure how. Maybe he does not realize this, but I know that we have certain communication problems. Oh, it's not as serious as my last relationship, but I'm really scared that something might go wrong. I don't want to lose him, even if I still am unsure of my own emotions. I'm really confused now. I speak to my friend better than I speak to him, but knowing me, that means nothing. I always feel the tug of attraction before I hook up with someone..Does that mean I'm destined to be only a flirt but not a good girlfriend?
Aaaah...I'm confused. Confused by my own emotions. Ashamed of my cowardice. What am I to do? I don't want to talk to him about it, I don't want to hurt him. It's me that problematic, not our relationship, not him. Oh dear....I'm such an idiot...

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