Tsk tsk, I havent been writing consistently now have I? This is pathetic. Sigh! Anyways, can't type long. Going to Klang soon to register for the Pengajian Am seminar next week. ttatata....
Oh and by the way..this was the result I had gotten from quizilla. Whoever whould have thought my name should be Aki...

Your Japanese name should be

'Aki'

which means
"autumn".

You can be compared with
autumn, the way the autumn weather changes, is
how your feelings change. You have these mood
swings you can't control; one moment you're
happy, the next you're feeling almost
depressed. You're probably sensitive and
creative.

Okay so today was a bore. Well, not really a bore. Woke up pretty late today anyways. Hmm, why was it again? Oh yeah, slept late cause I watched Malaysian Idol pre-recorded earlier with my mum and sis. Guess what? The three of us were fighting non-stop of who will win. Sis and I voted for Nita but mum, well, she prefers Daniel. Big whoop. Heh. Anyways, slept at 3am or so at that time. By the time I woke up, mum was already gone for work. Poor her! I wonder how does she stand it...
Okay, so today we went to this warehouse sale at PJ and boy oh boy, was it ever so crowded! It was technically a shoe warehouse sale, or to be more precise, Scholl. But we didn't buy any shoes. Instead, we bought foods and stuff. Haha, weird huh.
Hmm...better post another time. Pesky sis is trying to read over my shoulder! Sheesh. No provacy! Ah well, gotta go anyways. Time for supper. Tata

Okay, I'm posting this after two days...I think. So what happened? Hmm..well, first, there was a short(as if!) biology test from the MPM(Majlis Peperiksaan Malaysia). Typically, it was utter boredom, not to mention horrible. So chase that facts away, it was a totally boring time. Oh, mum can't seem to stop nagging at me for one thing. But to be honest, I feel as though I am losing myself. I am not myself anymore. At least when dad was around I was still able to be responsible and so on. But now? Now, I am but a hapless girl not knowing what to do and stand about helplessly watching my body move(or not more in this case). This is pathetic. I have no willpower. I have nothing. Nothing at all. Not even my dignity..not even my pride..anymore....

My First...Kiss?

Your first kiss will be very romantic. Hope this
picture will be good enough to symbolize that.
You really just want to love and to be loved in
return.

This Is Who I Am..so live with it!

You are dark and maybe a little depressed. You may
act hostile toward people, but you are really
just trying to protect yourself from pain and
upsetting emotions. Your friends know the real
you, that you can creative and funny as hell
when you want to be. If you just realize that
not everyone wants to hurt you and people
aren't generally evil, you'll be fine. You
probably have someone you really care about but
you can't tell them how you feel, or you're
waiting for the guy/girl you don't hate on
sight and realizes who you really are isn't
this depressed person other people mistakenly
see you as.

Who am I?

You will be an author or poet.You spend most of your time thinking up characters
and situations that sometimes you get caught up
in them. Come back to the real world once in a
while to jot your ideas down.We have the next JKRowling!

Alright, I'm doing this in school so I better be fast about it. Today...erm....today...hmm....nothing much happened so far I guess. Oh yeah, my pc is virus-infected...again. Sigh! Pity me....ah well, time to reformat the pc...again! Muahahaha...evil me! Okay, I seriously don't know what to crap here without being noticing so I'd better make this short! Will be posting another one soon hopefully...till then...ciao~!!

Hmm..it's Saturday...no wait, it's Sunday now. Sigh. Feel like I'm wasting my time doing nothing at all. My studies are going down the drain and so am I. Did you ever get the feeling that an ominous karma of impending doom keeps on surrounding you? Well, I believe I am a victim of such thing. Everyday I lie in sleepless nights, fearing the worst and reliving nightmares each time I dared to close my eyes. Why is this happening to me? Is it because of the disasters that had happened a lot these days? Although this might sound silly, and that I am very far away from those earth-shaking disasters, but I keep on having weird dreams of me dying in those disasters. So far, a bomb explosion(in my dreams!) killed my loved ones first before killing me-this was after the WTC disaster; and a tsunami that killed me, my mum and my sis(dreams again!)-just a few months after the tsunami disaster. So now, the Katrina hurricane. Hoping deperately that I won't be receiving any doomed dreams from it...I can't bear the thought of it. It's way too scary!
Okay, a huge shift in topic. Again I question the infallible topic: love. What is love? Is it really as worth it as people always say? Is love really so great that the phrase 'love will conquer it all' was generated by all means? What is, L-O-V-E? What good does it do in our lives? Sure, there will be love amongst families and relations. But what about strangers? What about those that are not even related to you? What ties do you have with them? Are we supposed to face love in the eye? Are we supposed to believe in the superstitious 'red-thread' that has been said to reunite fate between two lovers? I seriously don't get it. If love is so great, why does it hurt so much? If love is so great, why do people take advantage over it? Are we supposed to do so? Are we supposed to hunt it down? Are we supposed to embrace it?
This is a silly thing to say, but somehow I doubt if I can even feel it. Sure, there might be some love-lost between me and my family, but apart from that, it's an empty feeling. Devoid of anything. I hate love. I hate anything that has to do with it. I hate feeling the jagged knife of pain that slices my heart each time someone hurts me whether unintentionally or otherwise. I hate the fake mask I put on each time my friends ask whether I'm okay but I'm not. I hate the gloom of depression that blankets me each and everyday. I hate the fact that I am always bylooked and used to woo someone else. I really hate my life. All I want is someone to really care for me, someone that I am really comfortable with, someone that can be my life. But somehow, I doubt it. My life is destined to be alone. Alone, without a single shred of hope. Just like the Angel of Darkness.

This is Who I Am...

You are an Angel of Darkness!
you live in the shadows, and no one knows who you
really are. You are a good fighter, and will
not hesitat to kill when threatened. But you
aren't all evil, you are beautiful, and have a
very good heart.
color: black, and dark purpleSong lyrics: "Fallen angels at my feat,
whispered voices at my ear, death before my
eyes, lying next to me i fear"

Okay, this day is officially the utmost boredom for me! Not only school sucks, home sucks as well! Hmm..let me broach this interesting phrase.
First, only seven from my class were present. Second, no teachers were teaching(though I hate studying, having teachers in class can be fun too!). Third, everyone was forced to be at the school field for the Malaysian Book of Records(MBR) crap. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that bit. The lower sixers from the Sixth Former Society, also known as Majlis Tingkatan Enam to us, tried to create a record by creating the longest patriotic banner in Malaysia! It was, I think, 830 metres long, filled with all sort of stuffs. I even saw the Prime Minister's face painted on it! Wow, think how much time they wasted..erm..i mean, spent on that banner! Oh yeah, wonder whether they made it through. I didn't really stay long for it. I mean, come on man! Let us live in peace! What are you trying to do anyway? While you guys bask the glory and whatsoever(like I really care anyway!), we students are forced to sit on grass and grit out teeth and bear till it is all over. Anyway, we basically are clueless on what is going on! The PA system sucks, and I had no idea what was even going on! Sigh.
Okay, so then we(my classmates and I) left the field and snuck to the cafeteria. Haha. Was just as bad anyway. But at least we get to sit properly. Plus, I got to eat. Hahahaha...Hmm...Couldn't sneak out of school though. Too many prefects hanging around like vultures. So we had to wait...and wait...and wait...and wait...till it was like noon before we actually left. It was just a simple affair actually. Getting up and go. No fuss, no hassle.
When I reached home, mum ignored me. Wonder why...Anyways, went and talk to her for a while before heading upstairs again. Thought of sleeping, but was rudely interrupted when my aunt dropped by. It seems that she wanted to take my mum shopping(hmmm...). Mum asked me to join, but I declined. Heck, I wasn't even the mood for shopping, let alone grocery shopping! So mum went, and I was alone at home...doing nothing. As usual. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, hey presto! Tuition time. Bo-ring!
So then my bro messaged me inviting me to join him for a swim tomorrow with our friends. Hmm..is there a catch to that? I hope not. Ah well, better rest well tonight then. Swimming session's tomorrow morning and I'd better make sure I'm able to wake up! So, goodnite for now!

My exams are finally over for this month! Hurray! But the sad thing is, I have no idea how am I going to face the results later. Sigh! Bet my marks are so damn low, it would sink straight into the muddy depths of the ocean.T'was maths today. And boy, oh boy, was it ever tough! Actually, come to think of it, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. Only problem is, I had forgotten the methods and the formulaes. Sigh! I'm such an addle-brained freak! Wonder why did I even take up science in the first place....Hmm...
All right, I was supposed to blog a few days ago, but I can't seem to find the time to do so. Beats me why I've been rather fatigued these few days. Probably due to those nightmares I've been having. It comes and goes, but one thing's for sure: it is all about...death. Death of my family, death of my friends,death of...me? I hope the last one won't happen! I will definitely be freaked out to death if I do have it!
Can't say much now. Sister's planning to use the line soon so I've got to scram before I face her utmost wrath. Or something like that anyways *giggles*. 'Kay then, till the next post...buh-bye~

Saturday again, and this time it's a bore. Guess what time I slept the day before? 4am on saturday! And guess what time I woke up? 3pm on the same day! Hahaha..I'm such a pig at times. But honestly, it was real fun pigging out without having anyone to yell or nag at me about it. Yep, you guessed it right. Mum went off to work today. Yipee! Hahahaa...
Well, seriously, I did nothing much at all. Just ate a bowl of spaghetti and a slice of cake sis brought home for me. It was chocolate, and from the Secret Recipe cafe. Her colleagues gave it to her but she didn't want to eat it so she gave one slice to me and the other to my mum. The thing was, I think that slice was bad or something, cause right after eating it, I had a humongous stomacheache and had to hibernate in the toilet for a while. Phew! Then mum told me(when she got home), that when she ate that slice yesterday, she had stomachache too! Weird...
Anyways, it was Nicole's birthday today. Her age? Hmm..I forgot. Hahaha..She's my little cousin and boy, is she adorable! Her little brother's even more adorable than she is! But shh...better not let her hear me mention that. Hehehe... All the same, it was pretty boring. But whaddya expect from a lil' kid's party? You feel left out! The grown ups stick to themselves, and the kids, well, they just be themselves and have fun. Which meant my sis and I were to sit around doing basically nothing at all. Hahaha...Ah well, watched the School of Rock on HBO at that time so it wasn't so bad after all.
Well, Maths exams are on Monday, and well, I"M NOT PREPARED!!! Aaaaa....I'm doomed...I'm dead....Someone be my lifesaver pleaaaaseeeeeee~

Had a bad dream. No, make that two. The first one was pretty much scary. I dreamt that my cousin-in-law was missing, and that she left spooky messages everywhere. It was pictures, pictures of something that I couldn't comprehend. And on the pictures there were scribbled words like "how could you betray me like this?" and so on. I can't really remember. And the odd thing is, even though those pictures were everywhere, especially on table tops and counters, no one but me could see it. My mum thought I was mad and so did my aunt. Then suddenly there was a green glow on one side of the wall. It was a small portal, I should think, around the size of a basketball. A picture emerged and glided on the wall, moving in one big circle before going back into the portal. At first I couldn't see what the picture was. Then to my horror I realised it was a picture of her and her husband and my cousins on her wedding. It was really spooky. The next thing I know, there was this weird pipe sticking out from the ceiling and weird noises started to spook me out terribly. I screamed and slumped on the floor, closing my ears. My mum looked at me concernedly. I think she did not see that pipe anyway. She kept asking what's wrong but I just closed my ears. The noise was horrible. It was as though someone with a really bad sorethroat was trying to speak, but ended up wheezing terribly. ugh!
Then I had a second dream, which came right after my first. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but it's true. It was situated in a restaurant of some sort. Somehow, the remnants of my first dream seemed to affect this one. I was pretty much uneasy. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this restaurant is by the SEA. Yeah, uh-oh. Guess what happens next? Tsunami!! Yeah, it was. Weird huh. This what how it happened-my sis was paying up for some food and I kept looking at the window facing the sea/ocean/whatever. The next thing I know, the water grew sort of shallow(I can't remember the exact word for it) and short but snappy waves started to form. the next thing I know, a large one came. I grabbed my sister's arm and pulled her towards the exit. My mum was also there, but it was as though she did not realise a thing. I grabbed her hand as well and tried to scream out to everyone inthe restaurant to run, but my voice was stuck. Everyone around me was oblivious of the fact that a huge wave was coming. I, we, went out from the restaurant and started to run for the exit, via away from the sea. It was only then that I realised everyone around me had noticed it and started screaming and panicking and running away. Guess it was also then that my mum realised something was amiss, especially since I had found my voice back and started screaming shrilly. The last thing I remembered before I woke up abruptly was that my mum crying out, "Oh god, I don't wanna die! I wanna go back to Malaysia!" and then the waves roared up behind me very loudly.
Then I woke up.

Zoinks! How much effort can I actually take to fail one crappy paper anyway? Chemistry was HORRIBLE (Well,at least it was better than paper two..now that one was atrocious!) and as for the General Paper, well..let's just say I did not have enough time to actually complete them all. Sigh! The first two questions wasn't so bad, really. Now let's see..what was that first one again? Oh yeah, it was the art-based essays, where we were to choose to write one out of two questions. The first one was about the hot issue regarding the piracy at Selat Melaka..and the second? Well, it was about the steady decline of local housekeepers in our country. Bleah! I chose the first one and boy, did I take quite some time on that!
Okay, next one was the science-based essay. This time, I was to choose between the benefits of aeronautical(spelled correctly?) knowledge to mankind and the woes of organ donation in our country. Obviously I chose the latter. Heck, I don't know a single thing about aeronautics in the first place! And besides...head cramp!! Hahahaha....writer's block man....
Okay, third was the answering of questions. Like part one and two, part three has two questions, with two choices each. Why? It's cause it's also science and art based. Sigh! I skipped that bit first to carry one the next one, which was constructing a graph based on the information given. Two choices there, first was a pie chart and the second a bar chart. I chose the first one since it sounded the easiest and took less time (in my opinion, that is). Well, as if THAT went well. After completing my graph, I realised I had basically less than an hour to complete the third and last part! What's worse, the last one consists of the translation of a chart into linear text. Man,my hand was definitely cramped when it was all over with! I could barely lift a finger! Hopefully the teacher could actually read my writing..I really crapped and really wrote uninteligible sentences. Sigh! To think that was all under a mere three hours...
Hmm..I've been meaning to voice this out for quite some time now...What is Love, really? I read in this romance book, and one of the characters in it mentioned the fact that being in love is great, like a heady wine..blah blah blah. Being in love with someone means that he/she is your best friend, your confidante, a person that you are realy comfy with. Yeah, right. Let's face the facts here, shall we? If that really happens, does that mean that the guys I know and enjoy being around with are the guys that I really love devotedly? Dream on! Sometimes-no, ALL the time, I can never understand this concept of love...

Alright, tis the second day of the week, and guess what? I stunk in my chem yesterday!!! Waaah..I think I'm rally going to flunk it this time! Let me see...there were four structural questions, in which I couldn't answer three of them properly. And there were six essay questions, in which I had to pick four out to answer. Guess what? I only did two questions! Arrgh!! Partly it is because I did not have the time to complete it, and partly it is because I had no idea what was going on! Sigh..my fault I guess..should've read more organic and inorganic chemistry...
My Pengajian Am paper one, or General Paper if translated properly, went QUITE well...notice the exaggeration there. Believe me, it did not as well as all of us thought it might be. For starters, the paper had started out with the stupid Dasar-dasar...which I did not read much(It was the last few chapters, so heck!). What is dasar? Hmm....I guess you could roughly say that it is....aw heck, I don't know how to elaborate! Perhaps I should just check in the dictionary. Hmm...heeeree dicky dicky dicky..heeeree dictionary...where arrrree youuu.....
Hmm...I think I've lost my dictionary somewhere. Ah well, guess it's cause I don't hafta take up MUET anymore. Hahaha...
Today I had biology paper one. Again, it stinks! Why is it that teachers seems to know how to make the toughest questions derived from facts and notes that we did not know it even exist?? Sheesh. Paper two's up next tomorrow and I gotta get ready soon. But for now, I gotta go for a nap. Having extra classes later on. One of these days I'm really going to stop giving these classes man...it's too tiring!!

Tanggal tiga puluh satu..Bulan lapan lima-puluh-tujuh~Merdeka,merdeka, tetaplah Merdeka...Ia pasti menjadi sejarah~
Happy National Day to Malaysia~!! Wow..48 years of freedom already..who would have thought about it. Yesterday was the big day for this country. Watched tv and saw the whole procession going on at Putrajaya. It was really cool, especially since they did not do it in Bukit Jalil this time. Haha. The floats were kind of tacky in a sense where they looked rather odd and...spooky. Yes, I'm serious. It looks spooky. Especially those that has a human lookalike on it. Imagine stumbling across them in the dark! Brrr...
Anyway, today is like any other day. Dull and drab. But the stress of having trials next week is killing me! Sigh. Yesterday mum was nagging..again. Duh~! When does she ever NEVER nag at me about my studies? It is, I know, for my own good and all. But seriously, I hate stress! Especially when sis added an extra burden on me: I am to find a local university to study at so that they will have enough cash to shift places. Sigh. And guess what? I am to take up medical studies. Double stress! Man, I hate medical studies...not that it's horrible or anything, but my interest does not lie in it. Imagine trying to ask a chef reprogramme a computer all by himself! It's really like asking the sun to touch the earth! Sheesh. I'm seriously hoping that I can go to a local university as well...I really want to shift out from this mess. Perhaps then I could finally get my own, spacious room. *gazes dreamily into space*